To the ones of my past
It’s been a while hasn’t it? Sorry not sorry for not keeping in touch with you like we said we would… but really it’s hard to “just be friends” with someone you gave your time and attention with. And honestly, you became a douche bag; I didn’t understand what I did to deserve that kind of treatment after we broke up. I’m sorry if my family had some influence on our relationship or us remaining friends or not. After a while I realized that they can be a little psychotic…. And I apologize that my actions during the relationship and after may not have been the best….
If we were to meet again, which gods hoping that doesn’t happen, you would see that I have grown up. Actually and truly, you might not agree that it’s that easy, but it is for me. ihave let go of my past, for the most part that’s why I am writing this. Yes I am a little “salty”, so to say, about how it ended and our actions following the breakup. I don’t know if you would be happy to hear this or not but I have done a lot and I feel like I am finally successful in my academic life, I finally figured out what I wanted to do with my life. And how I’m going to get there… I feel like I’m finally happy, happy and accomplished. And this is the part where I tell you I found someone who makes me feel completely happy and that I think he’s the one… but really I thought the same thing about you… I didn’t realize how wrong I was. The shitty treatment was on both sides of our relationship, between the lies and the cheating, to the borderline physical abuse. I stayed loyal, so I ask this simple question. Why couldn’t you…. Did I really bore you that much that you had to find someone else to entertain you?
And honestly im glad you found someone… I’m not thrilled about the age…. But at least you’re not going to jail because she’s illegally young. But whatever I guess that’s someone else you can manipulate like you did me… anyway…. I hope she makes you grow as a person and helps you out with any and all needs that you may have.
When I have seen you at my work did you see me? Do you even recognize me anymore? Or do you just ignore me and hope I don’t see you? I had a lot of panic attacks when I would see you at my job…. I don’t know why… maybe because I remember all the memories I’ve repressed. All the ones that made me happy or all the ones that make me question why I ever dated you for as long as I did. I don’t know. My vision blurs my heart races I can’t seem to function… but thanks to my therapist and my life experiences I have learned how to not have a full mental breakdown and how to calm myself .. Which helps…..
All and all I hope all is well and I hope you and your family are doing alright… if you need it I am still here for you… just apologies in advance if I am snarky or ignore you or be a giant bitch. I’m not expecting you to actually reach out to me….
This is my last goodbye, the final thought that I shouldn’t even give you because of how it all played out.
Becca H ❤