Little thing called trust

Trusting someone can be a difficult thing, sometimes its easy, other times its hard and you cant muster up the courage to trust someone in fear that you will get hurt again… I can honestly say I have trust issues. I’ve had them since my first real relationship…. it lasted about 4 years and something snapped around year 3 where I didn’t trust him as much anymore…. but I stayed with him… you are probably thinking “why?”… and that’s honestly because I still loved him. or at least I thought I did.. I did digging and found some things that made me not trust him as much, but I was hoping I was misinterpreting it and I was just going crazy. then another year past and we parted ways.

It’s hard to trust someone even when you have reason not to. but when you don’t believe someone you become the bitch and it makes things harder…. it took me six solid months to fully trust someone after that. he literally gave me no reason not to trust him. I was just to insecure and scared. he had a lot more girl friends I got jealous. then when I finally trusted him I believed anything and everything…. even after we broke up, I still believed him and trusted him…. then I found the sick truth, that since the moment we broke up he had been lying to me… acting like he was single and alone when really he was dating someone not even 3 weeks after we broke up.. and with someone way younger…. of course I found out from her because I was her friend..

It just goes to show you that trust is blind. you don’t realize that you’re being lied to until its to late.. once you find out about the lies and the way he  “didn’t want to cause drama” it makes you question every single thing he has ever told you… you begin to believe that everything he told you was a lie. you feel completely and utterly stupid until you cant take it anymore. I remember the moment I found out. I literally crawled into bed shaking and feeling like I was going to vomit and many other things until I called my boyfriend, I’ve mentioned him before. I felt so bad about talking about my past but it was like 3am and I knew he was awake. oddly enough he made everything better without really even trying. We started talking about everything and nothing all at the same time it made me feel 100% better… I still felt kind of dumb but really it didn’t happen I wouldn’t know how strong my feelings for this man are….

anyway have a good rest of you’re week. that’s my little rant for the next few weeks.

Believe in your strength ❤




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