Do you ever get that day, or maybe even week where you feel like nothing is going right? Like everything in this world is shit and no matter how hard you try you keep getting buried under it. You sit and think that you cant do anything right and you just are complete fuck up and the world would be better off without you…. Usually how it goes right? yeah pretty much.. haha and during these days you are moody and emotional and you just want affection from those you love but you know if you get it you will just get annoyed and want nothing to do with them. You want to be secluded but you know that that is no way for anyone to live.
Just a swill of emotion and pain. You get in this sick rut and everything pisses you off and no amount of time off or days off will make it any better…. Plus on top of that you are getting sick and your boyfriend is trying to make you feel better and you love it and appreciate it but you really don’t want it. You’re mind and feelings are making you second guess anything and everything until you want to scream your head off. And sometimes it gets worse because all the wrong people message you constantly and it gets to the point where you want to throw your phone or tell them to honestly fuck off because you’re sick of the pity party or the constant texting even though you rarely ever reply.. I’m such a bitch I swear.
Anyway, you feel like you’re grasping at straws hoping that something will make you feel again. something will pull you out of this bottomless pit that you thrust yourself in time and time again. All you really want to do is escape but you honestly don’t have time for that. because school and work and you’re so called “social life” consume you and you just need a break. The constant nagging of everyone and everything is slowly but surly driving you completely insane. And you know the stress is consuming you and is taking control of you’re actions. so what do you do? Put on that fake smile you know how to do all to well and hope and pray that someone doesn’t start pressing buttons and cause you to explode. Because when that happens you become the bitch. Even though you warned them plenty-a-good time that shit will hit the fan if they keep pushing. But do they listen? Never… Holy hell do they not listen. Then wonder why you are yelling and screaming at them. But no, no matter what it’s still your fault. and you sit and crave their approval so you take the blame and apologize *eye roll* when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.. really… Honest to goodness… I mean yes you shouldn’t of screamed at them… but like I said, you warned the bastard that tried to be funny. so honesty they can sick it cuz there is nothing wrong with you expressing your feelings.
But honestly its been a shit week and I just want it to be over but its not going to be because I never actually have a day off… its a constant slur of work and school and you never have a day where you can shut down and not have to do or think about anything at all.. but of course not… why would you need one of those. fuck. well I’m still kicking and breathing so I’m sure that this will pass… I’ve been having a lot of health issues so I’ve been stupid worried about that…. and I’ve had more tests then I would like done and they still don’t know what the fack is going on… ugh. but whatever.
You all have a good week or what-have you. sleep tight and don’t take shit from anyone… unless its your boss or they pay you.
Believe in your strength ❤