So, I’ve been recently paying attention to my emotions. which is something that I don’t do very often… like when I’m sitting at work waiting for the next person to walk in so I can say “welcome to Meijer” for the billionth time that day or when I’m home alone like right now, instead of dwelling on all the bad things in my life I have been looking at all the good that’s in my life. which is hard I know…. and there are many forces that stop you from thinking happy thoughts. but I’ve been a lot happier since that happened. I went to therapy on Thursday and I cried 90% of the time. seriously. I walked out of there, thinking I literally didn’t get anything off my chest…. which sucked. but she is amazing and helps me with it all. she reminded me that the suffering is just now and there is better things in store…. I know ending myself isn’t the answer ever but you know you sit and think “maybe I can get hit by a bus on my drive home so I don’t have to deal with any of this anymore”…. I haven’t felt that way since therapy. the next day I felt like a whole new person like I poured my heart out and like I got everything off my chest that I needed to… which is amazing to me.
I’ve also been working on cutting the negativity out of my life and focusing on the positive. I cant believe how happy I am right now… its unbelievable. I’ve found amazing people who have help me stay positive and help me remember how awesome I am. haha…. I have also stopped looking at my body negatively… which is very hard to do… yeah I have some times where I look at someone and think “I would never pull that dress off” or “oh I looked ugly in that picture.” but that’s human nature. we have been programmed to think that. but when I do have that I dismiss it by thinking “well not everyone looks good in everything. I’m sure I have something she would look bad in” or laughing off the bad selfie and posing it anyway because who cares. and come to find out people actually like it and it makes you feel a lot better about yourself. and I know my last two post have been slightly depressing but ya know what. I learned how to deal with everything that went on. at first I did the first post as a “I’m going to post it on Facebook and have everyone see..” but I was too chickenshit to do it… so of course I’m sitting here with a blog with only one blog on it so i have to write more. granted not a lot of people, if any, really read what I post on here but whatever. I don’t care. I just enjoy that I can have my thoughts out here and maybe someone will relate and feel better about themselves. knowing that they are not alone.
Listening to music has helped me a lot… which is nice. I listen to pentatonix, Avril Lavigne, Melanie Martinez, and a few others, and I love belting out and singing to my steering wheel, or dancing my feet off while blasting the music through my xbox. and after it all I feel a lot better. it gets any and all emotions out so they aren’t pent-up inside…. I will probably post an update on my life in about a week or so if not less depending on how I feel. I’ve just been itching to do this and knew I couldn’t wait till next week. but I am doing amazing and life seems so much brighter. I feel beautiful, smart, happy, just all around better. if any of you feel like you are alone please shoot me an email or something I’m here and I can help. I’m not a therapist but you are not alone in any of this. you can be happy and feel good about yourself again 🙂
Believe in your strength
Becca H. ❤